I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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