Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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