i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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