I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
