Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
