You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
