Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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