third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You are a genius and a whore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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