I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
