dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
