I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
