he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
