i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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