somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
