i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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