it hurts more in the daytime
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
