omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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