She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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