I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize