nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
