i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
