My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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