The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
