She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
