I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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