dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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