I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
