Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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