I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
