how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
