She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
