That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
