Say something about gay babies.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
