Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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