Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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