Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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