I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
