Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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