dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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