The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
