You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
