I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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