your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
