Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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