i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
