Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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