I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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