So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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