dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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