me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
