farters have to be the big spoon...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
