Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
