Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
