in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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