Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
