remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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