The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
