weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
