it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
