i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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