Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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