so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
