I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
