I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
