If that was your dad, he is hot
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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